Choosing Not to Nag
Have you ever felt like a nagging mom?
“Have you brushed your teeth?”
“Did you make your bed?”
“How many times do I have to tell you to pick up your room?!”
“Hurry up! We need to leave, you’re making us late.”
This is not the approach you wanted, intended to have, or even enjoy. Nor is this the approach you need to permanently adopt to get your kids moving in the morning. Frustration levels rise and no one ends up happy. But, it doesn’t need to be that way.
There is a better way.
You officially have permission to let go of the nagging.
You can change your ways, and in turn, your children will change theirs.
As a positive parent, you can help your children gain independence and become more personally responsible by implementing Daily Do’s. Establishing an effective morning routine with children creates more peace as expectations are clearly established, and children are guided with music rather than nagging.
When we take time to establish effective morning routines, we help our kids thrive by knowing what is expected of them. Smarter Parenting also acknowledges the importance of creating routines for children.
- Make Bed
- Clean Room
- Get Dressed
- Brush Teeth
- Brush Hair
The secret to success for this morning routine is adding music, five songs to be exact. Have music playing throughout the house as kids are accomplishing their Daily Do’s.
Create five different playlists for each weekday. Each playlist should include five songs, four upbeat/fast songs, and the fifth song should be slow and calm. The slow song signals to the child that they need to be finishing all their Daily Do’s.
Five songs define the timeframe, so expectations are completed within a timely manner. Have you ever felt frustrated by an expectation that dragged on and on throughout the day? Daily Do’s help morning tasks get completed efficiently.
The music also seems to lift everyones’ mood, and have a great start to the day.
Introduce and Teach
Before implementing a new routine and having set expectations, it is important to gather your family, have a discussion, and teach. All of these positive parenting principles are covered in the online parenting course.
Let your children know that you don’t want to be a nagging mom anymore. Here’s a guide for a conversation, but feel free to use your own words.
“You probably don’t want a nagging mom, and the truth is, I don’t want to be a nagging mom. Nagging is when I have to ask someone to do something over and over again. We can all work on being first-time listeners. Our family is going to have a better way of getting ready each morning by being personally responsible and finishing our Daily Do’s.”
Explain how they will have five songs to complete their expectations in the morning. It will not be a time to play, but they’re more than welcome to dance along the way!
Let your children know that this is one way you are striving to create more peace in your home, and it will take everyone’s best effort.
This is a question I often ask my kids, “Whose job is it to create peace in our home? Is it only Mom and Dad’s job?”
“It’s everyone’s job to create peace in our home.”
Everyone has a vital role in our family, and we need everyone and their positive attitudes.
Be sure to notice and praise their efforts. You can also let them know that if they choose not to complete their Daily Do’s, they may end up with an extra chore for the day, or another consequence.
Of course we can be realistic and flexible if a child had another commitment early in the morning and didn’t get everything done. This morning routine is set up as a guide, but there can always be flexibility.
Didn’t Do Their Daily Do’s
Have I ever had a child not complete their Daily Do’s during the music? Yes, yes I have. There have been times my children chose to dance in the mirror throughout each song, or play legos.
The most important thing to remember in this situation is to remain calm and confident. Let them know that it’s disappointing they didn’t finish, but that you know they can do better next time. There are multiple options for following through.
- Express disappointment, encouragement for next time, and move on.
- Give an extra chore.
- Give Memory Makers to the children who did complete their Daily Do’s.
If you choose to do option 3, be sure to let the child know who didn’t get a Memory Maker that you believe in them, and they can probably earn one tomorrow when they get their Daily Do’s finished. Then be sure to follow up with that reward. It is possible and encouraged to remain calm and positive while following through.
If your teen isn’t willing to participate, let them know that taking care of their room with a good attitude is part of showing their emotional maturity. Remind them of the importance of exhibiting emotional maturity so they can have the privilege to manage a cell phone.
Tried and True!
We’ve been implementing Daily Do’s with our family since 2012. Let our mistakes guide you in the right direction, so you can avoid some of the bumps we encountered.
When I initially came up with this idea, I thought it would be most effective for the kids to wake up to the music and quickly get started on their Daily Do’s. Bad idea.
Tired, bad attitudes ensued. I quickly discovered the importance of meeting their physiological needs first. Feed the children! We then transitioned to starting the Daily Do Music after breakfast.
Sometimes we have breakfast, devotional, and then Daily Do’s. Sometimes it’s breakfast, Daily Do’s, then devotional. We’re teaching them to have a system, but also be flexible within the system. Once the music turns on, they know what to do.
The beauty of this system is that you can individualize it to meet your family’s needs.
Implement > Intention
Daily Do’s help kids accomplish their routines in a timely manner, so you can help your family get everything in order and positively get on with the day.
Have you ever had an intention that just didn’t turn out? Maybe you start out with every intention to be sweet and calm, but then you end up repeating yourself, the sweet tone steps aside and a new more firm tone and attitude take its place? I may or may not be speaking from personal experience.
Turn intentions into outcomes. Instead of hoping, crossing our fingers and toes, and wishing our kids would be more independent and get their rooms cleaned every day, we can implement Daily Do’s and get results.
Establishing effective morning routines starts with the parents. Bryn Huntpalmer shares specific ideas to help you and your family prepare for each day.
You can keep expectations positive by implementing Daily Do’s with your family.
Our family is perfect at nothing. We strive to do our best, sometimes we fall short, sometimes we succeed, we always keep trying.
There are days we implement Daily Do’s and all goes well. There are also days when we get distracted by other plans or need to quickly leave the house and don’t do our Daily Do’s. I refer to this as life and being flexible.
This has happened on more than one occasion when the snow is good and the mountains are calling. Sometimes we don’t do the Daily Do’s for that day, and sometimes we get home and do them in the afternoon. It’s all about being flexible.
Things to Consider
Young children may need help completing some of the expectations, in which case you can calmly assist them. It is important for parents to have realistic, age-appropriate expectations. You can set them up for success by putting items at their level, and teaching them how to complete expected tasks.
If your family implements V.I.P. Day, have each child be involved in creating the playlist for their particular day. Yet another way to help them feel V.I.P., while also respecting and being happy for whomever’s V.I.P. Day it is.
If you don’t have a bluetooth speaker, I highly recommend getting one. They’re good for Daily Do music, as well as spontaneous dance parties in the kitchen.
Translation: Music + dancing + bonding = memories.
Setting up a Daily Do morning routine system for your children is worth your effort. Music replaces nagging. Order replaces chaos. Peace replaces frustration. Sign me up!